I have "baby blood".  This means I am CMV negative; I have not been exposed to the cytomegalovirus (CMV).  CMV is a complex flu-like virus that most adults in the United States are exposed to at sometime in their lives. It is a double stranded DNA virus belonging to the herpes virus family.

As with other viruses, once you’ve had them, your body retains the antibodies.  CMV can persist in infected donor white cells and is often transmitted by a blood transfusion, but rarely causes disease. However, in the case of low birth weight infants and adults with weakened immune systems, the consequences of such infection may be severe or even fatal. Because the immune systems in these patients are not fully developed or compromised, every precaution must be taken to avoid infection. Scientific studies have shown blood lacking this virus (CMV negative blood) is safer for pediatric patients and those with immune deficiencies. 

My blood type is O positive, which is the most common blood type.  Once I was informed of my status as a "baby donor", I made a person commitment to donate as often is possible.  This means that I donate blood every eight weeks. In the past three years, I have donated over 2 gallons of blood at the Oakland Blood Donation Center.

Over that time, I have established relationships with the phlebotomists there.  For almost two years, my favorite phlebotomist was a young woman named Carolina. We shared a birthday and a similar sense of humor. She was always gentle with me and understood my dislike for needles. (Yes, I know.) Now, my phlebotomist, is a young man named Able.  We connected the first time he took my vitals and my history months ago. We are each delighted when we are paired up in the process.

This past Saturday, I had a scheduled appointment at 7:30 am and Able drew my folder. Since we see each other every two months, we catch up on each other's lives in the office while Able takes my medical history and records my temperature and blood pressure before we go into the lab area. Yesterday was no different. As we were talking about the state of the world, the state of our country, the state of our lives... Able was testing my hemoglobin. This involves a finger stick, where a drop of my blood is placed in a small machine to ensure I have enough iron-carrying red blood cells to safely donate blood.  I choose to have the middle finger of my left hand used for the finger stick. Much to my dismay, the reading measured 11.8 gm/dl, it must be at least 12.5 gm/dl to donate.

I was very disappointed but I could understand the low reading. Only two days before I had completed the 5 Day Autumn Equinox Angelic Detox and Cleanse with Jennifer Russel and Daryl Glinn Tanner. This is the same cleanse I had participated in four years ago to the day and I wrote about in the blog post titled, The Beginning of the Beginning.  While, I took in a lot of nutrients and faithfully drank the green drink twice a day, the hemoglobin measurement was low.

I decided in the moment, I was going to donate that day. I had an appointment. I was on time. I was there. I was ready. I asked Able if he would test my other hand. He joked and asked if he could "poke" me again. While he was preparing, I said out loud, "I have plenty of iron. I am thinking of metal. I will have enough hemoglobin today." Able did the finger stick on the middle finger of my right hand. (By the way, this is the most painful part of donating for me.)  He put my blood sample in the machine and when he read the measurement, he was grinning. Same body, same blood, different finger, serious intention... 13.4 gm/dl.

I was a bit stunned and asked, "How does that happen?" 

"Faith," replied the phlebotomist. 

In the fall of 2012, I was working as an Epic Analyst for Kaiser Permanente in Northern California. My specific job was working with the scheduling module (Cadence) of KP HealthConnect which is what Kaiser calls Epic Systems software. My role also included being a member of the Security/Access Change Approval Board also known as the Integrated Security Team (IST).

As a member of IST for a couple of years and always being a teacher/trainer at heart, I would introduce new team members to the policies and processes related to the Security/Access Change Approval Board. Every Epic application or module had a representative on the board. For example, the module called Radiant deals with Radiology functionality, the module called Cupid - Cardiology, the module called Stork – Obstetrics, etc.

As I remember, Rhafia Bucoy joined IST in 2011 as a representative of the OpTime module which deals with all things related to the Operating Room. I stepped up to orient Rhafia to the team and learned in the Philippines she had been a General Practitioner; which commonly in the United States meant she was a highly educated and skilled Registered Nurse. While the modules each of us represented on the team – scheduling and operating room – rarely crossed paths in those days, we became friends at work due in part to the weekly IST meetings.

During the late summer months of 2012, I didn’t see Rhafia at the office which was not uncommon as Kaiser allowed Epic Analysts to work remotely one or two days a week and calling into the weekly IST meetings was acceptable. This meant that months could go by without one specific analyst seeing another based on the remote work schedule for each analyst.

In early September, 2012, I saw Rhafia for the first time in months. She had been physically transformed. The reduction in her wait was absolutely remarkable to the point I did not recognize her and she called me out on it. She explained to me that she had been following the Ideal Protein protocol. Not only was she a walking advertisement, she had opened her own Ideal Protein Clinic called Our Last Ideal Diet. I spent some time talking with Rhafia about the Ideal Protein protocol and we make plans for me to drive to her office in Tracy, CA for a consultation.

Keep in mind, at this time in my day to day life, I was a regular marijuana smoker, meaning several times a day, every day. I had reduced and almost eliminated drinking alcohol after taking part in the Autumnal Cleanse facilitated by Jennifer Ruth Russell. (See the blog post titled, “The Beginning of the Beginning.)

Following the consultation with Rhafia, I started the Ideal Protein protocol on Monday, October 1, 2012 with a goal weight of 135 lbs. My weight at the consultation was 270 lbs.

This morning, August 15, 2016 I weighed 134.6 lbs. 

I know, I lot of time as passed between then and now. 

Future blog posts will fill in the time between these dates. I will also post before and after photos soon.

When I heard the announcement at church about the 100 Women Singing Choir looking for participants to celebrate Reverend Eloise Oliver's birthday, I was intrigued for several reasons. Rev E's birthday is April 1st, same as my mom. Jemanya is the choir director and she was the first person I met when I walked into East Bay Church of Religious Science back in February. She reached out to me and I fell into her embrace in tears, knowing I had found my spiritual center and my tribe. Finally, being one of one hundred women singing, I thought, I could participate in an anonymous way.

Some background... living with my deep voice and non-gender specific name has not been easy. My mother warned me at young age, her voice was lower than mine. She told me someday, I would embrace my voice for it's power, resonance and strength. It took years and in time I did embrace my speaking voice. My singing voice has taken much, much longer. 

Almost fifteen years ago, I signed up for an evening beginning voice class at the local high school. There were six or seven students and a male instructor. I was nervous and afraid. As I recall, we started with warm up exercises and I immediately felt out of place because even those exercises were completely new to me. As the actual class began, I realized I truly did not belong in the class. One of the students, who was an accomplished and performing singer, decided to take the class to "return to her roots". The instructor was star-struck by this woman and no time for a novice such as me. (To this day, if I hear Summertime on the radio or Pandora, I quickly turn it off.) I hung in there for the entire class and approached the instructor at the end to ask for advice... specifically what could I do at home. This is what he said... "On your portable CD player, play songs you like to sing. Listen to the songs with only one headphone in. Sing along until you can't hear yourself." Maybe this was appropriate advice. At the time, it shamed and embarrassed me. I left the class and never went back.

Since then, I sang in the car and at home when alone for the most part. Occasionally, (read that as when high), I would sing along to favorite tunes with friends in the car. I was never comfortable with my singing voice because I knew what I heard in my own head, playing through my bones was not what was heard coming out of my mouth. That voice, I could not hear and I could not trust.

Back to the story... I showed up at the first practice of the 100 Women Singing Choir anxious and fearful. It was good to be embraced by Jemanya and welcomed by many other women in the church. We were asked to separate in groups based on our individual vocal range. This was the first moment my little girl appeared. My stomach rolled and my mouth got dry. I approached Jemanya, admitted I did not know where I belonged and she directed me to the tenor section. We were sitting in rows of chairs in the sanctuary. Away I went... quivering inside.

She had the sopranos sing several lines from one the songs we would be singing. Jemanya listened intently and made a few suggestions. Then she moved on to the tenors. We sang the lines together and Jemanya listening intently. She tilted her head from side to side as we were singing. With a quizzical look on her face, she asked to sing again. As we finished this time, she remarked, "I'm hearing a "arrr arr arr" sound. She asked to sing again and we did. As we finished, a young soprano directly in front of me turned around, pointed and said, "She's a baritone." All eyes turned to me and my anonymity was gone. My little girl burst into silent tears and wanted so much to run from the room. 

I felt a gentle hand on my right shoulder from behind. I continued to cry, the hand remained steady and after a moment, I covered it with my right hand. While this was going on, Jemanya had identified another woman named Denise singing baritone sitting with the tenors. She asked us to sit on chairs along the wall. For a brief moment, I thought she was asking us to leave. This is how deep my discomfort with my voice.

Denise and I sat together while Jemanya finished with the tenors and worked with the altos. She came to us and said we would be singing with the sopranos, just an octave lower. As she walked away, Denise and I looked at each other, smiled and shrugged as we both knew we would simply sing, knowing what an octave lower meant was not within our abilities. God blessed me with Denise. Had I been the only baritone, I would not have been able to stay. In a later conversation, Denise said she only stayed because we were two. I joked, we should have "Baritone Voices Matter" shirts.

This was Monday, March 28th. We also practiced on Wednesday, March 30th. It was on Wednesday, that I spoke with the young woman who outed me as a baritone. In the choir formation, she ended up standing almost directly in front of me, she sings a powerful solo in the second song. During the second practice, I had a chance to talk to her privately. I told her how her voice moved me with its emotion and purity. I spoke with her about the moment she outed me. She started to apologize and I stopped her. It was important to tell her how grateful I was for her knowledge, honesty and openness in stating simply what was true. She told me how nervous she was to be singing alone in the second song and would appreciate my support. My support! God is so good.

We had been instructed to wear white for the performances. I didn't have an appropriate white outfit and I was inspired to look for clothing on the Taylor Jay Collection website. Taylor is a friend and used to have a brick and mortar location in my neighborhood. I was totally taken by the White London Jumpsuit. However, on the website, it was listed as Sold Out. This was Wednesday morning. I called Taylor and most interestingly... she answered her phone and I identified myself but I could tell as we talked she had not connected my voice and me. So I asked, "Do you know who this is?" She did not. When I told her she apologized for not recognizing my voice and mentioned my voice sounds lower on the phone. With my history, I had to ask, "Did you think I was a man?" Taylor, or course said, "Yes." See how this all works together in my world?

So, I asked about the White London Jumpsuit.  I was told she didn't keep it in stock generally. I explained why and when I needed it. We decided I needed a size medium and I picked up my custom made jumpsuit on Saturday, April 2nd. God is good.

Which takes me to Sunday, April 3rd. Surrounded by a group of powerful, spirit-filled women who believed in me and my divine place in the choir, I was confident and I looked it! 

Oh, the songs... God's Intentional by Travis Greene and Order My Steps by By Glenn Burleigh.
First Service <link>
Second Service <link>

Please notice my sister baritone, Denise who is standing to my right. She wasn't feeling well and stayed for second service for both us. Please notice the young soprano woman in dreads standing just in front of me. Prior to the start of the second song in each service, I touched her shoulder to let her know... I had her back. 

In the same way, as with this blog, I can no longer say, "I do not write". With these performances, I can no longer say, "I do not sing". I have performed one other time (eight women) at church and I am now considered a member of the Women's Choir at East Bay Church of Religious Science.

Recorded at Stewart Mineral Springs, Weed, CA on August 1, 2016.
Included as a part of the Closing Ceremony at the Self Care Retreat at Mt. Shasta facilitated by Marcus Lorenzo Penn of Self Care Reform Wellness.

A PDF of The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer has been added to the Photos and Files related to Blog Posts page.

I had plans to meet two different women for the first time this past weekend. One in the late morning after church and one later in the afternoon. In an effort to be open and gracious, I asked that each woman choose the place to meet.

For the morning meeting, a tea house in Berkeley was her choice. After I left church, I reached out to Masina and texted I was on my way. I opened Yelp to get the address, only to find out Sunday hours for the Far Leaves tea house started at 2:00 pm and we had planned to meet at 11:00 am. A series of text messages later, we had new plans to meet at my choice of location, the CRO Cafe, a coffee shop on Temescal Alley.

Masina teaches young children with developmental challenges as a primary job, is also a ceramist who works with slab clay to create her art. She is sadly in the process of closing her studio space and is transitioning to creating ceramic jewelry which will not require the expense of a separate studio place. What does this have to do with anything, you might be wondering?

After sitting, enjoying conversation and coffee for a while, Masina and I were able to walk around Temescal Alley, which is a delightful collection of retail shops, personal services and small local food purveyors. <link> We wandered into an apothecary shop and talked about the books, the natural dye kits and the incredible pieces of Labradorite pieces on the shelves. We perused the jewelry in several shops and Masina appreciated finding inspiration for her new jewelry venture in the shops.

Far Leaves, is a standalone establishment on a busy street in Berkeley with a Big O Tire store, a few homes and an apartment building nearby. Not really a place to stroll. Nor a place to find creative inspiration or conversation starters. The Universe had a plan and I was a willing participant.

For the afternoon meeting, Ruth Chris Steakhouse in Walnut Creek was the selected location. If you know me, not a place I would frequent by choice. Olga is from a town on the outskirts of Moscow and speaks a small amount of English, she was bringing her Russian friend who lives in the Bay Area along as an interpreter. (In general, I am saying yes to the Universe.) Olga and her friend… also named Olga had spent the earlier part of the day in San Francisco near the water and even saw harbor seals. I think they were at or near Pier 39.

We were scheduled to meet at 2:00 pm. Just before 2:00, I received a text, they were stuck in traffic. I was already in Walnut Creek where it was a balmy 102 degrees. I spent some time in the clothing store Forever 21 - even typing the name of the store brings a grin to my face. It has been a relatively short period of time since my body shape is suited to the clothing offered in Forever 21. I enjoyed looking around and imaging wearing some of the clothes. I purchased nothing because I have all I need and I am being a good steward of my finances, mostly.

I went outside, sat in the shade and opened the August 2016 edition of Science of Mind magazine. In between reading the columns and articles, I people watched. Walnut Creek is very different than Oakland, I am much more at home in Oakland. Time was passing and the sun was shifting in the sky and my shady spot was warming up, so I went to the door of the restaurant to find it locked. The sign on the door showed the Sunday hours as 4:30 pm to 9:30 pm.

Olga had been texting me vacation photos and photos of her life in Russia to help me pass the time so I knew I could reach her en route. Luckily, there was a rather sweet café directly across the street. I let them know I would be waiting at Citra Grill. A much better choice all around – quieter, high quality food, locally owned.

Olga arrived while her friend was parking the car. She was flustered and apologetic as it was just after 3:00 pm when she arrived. She said, “I don’t speak English. My friend will help translate.” I, of course, replied, “I hear you speaking English.” She smiled and said, “Only a little.” I went to the counter to get a glass of water for her as it seemed she had run from the car to the restaurant. When I returned to the table, she was still very apologetic and grateful that I waited. In saying yes to the Universe… one does not leave early.

Her friend, named Olga arrived, also out of breath a bit. Once we all had glasses of water, the linguistic adventure began. It was very challenging to be looking into the eyes of the woman across from me, watching her speak, seeing expression changes on her face and hearing a language I could not understand. Then in mere moments, Olga II would start speaking and it seemed so rude to not look at her but I knew the words had been spoke to me by Olga I.

We were helped by Google Translate on our phones as Olga II was occasionally preoccupied by her phone. Olga I and I “talked” about an unexpectedly broad range of topics. An earlier photo from San Francisco had shown Olga with a dessert with a candle which I interpreted as a birthday celebration, so I came with a card and very small gift from the East Bay Church of Religious Science <link>. When I gave these items to her, she was much moved and so began our conversation about being gay and involved in organized religion, i.e. belonging to a church community. When Olga had ended a long term relationship with a woman and sought comfort and guidance from her church family and pastor, she was excommunicated for five years. Both women were quite surprised to learn how inclusive Centers for Spiritual Living are for all.

I went to the counter to order cappuccinos for the ladies and an iced tea for me. The couple in front of me had just started ordering lunch, so I returned to the table and placed the August 2016 edition of Science of Mind magazine between them. I opened the magazine to the Declaration of Principles. When I looked back at the table from where I was ordering, they were engrossed in reading. I felt my “spirit use me” tattoo in action in those moments. As I turned back to the counter, I saw a small assortment of beautiful chocolates in a display case, and so ordered three to bring back to the table – Espresso, Mint and Meyer Lemon. This would have been an extremely different interaction if it had taken place at Ruth Chris, so much would not have been possible.

Returning to the table, they were discussing what they had read. Olga I, through Olga II, asked if this was like psychotherapy. I said no, perhaps closer to philosophy. Since they both seemed surprised and interested in the ideas and precepts of New Thought, I told them I would give the magazine to them. The looks of surprise on both faces served to remind me of the reactions I see in moments of unanticipated generosity.

Hindsight - in the moment of my purchases at the church gift shop I picked up a copy the July 2016 and the August 2016 Science of Mind Magazine and I wondered why. Even more, when I was reading while sitting in the shade earlier, I had a brief moment of disappointment when I realized I left the July edition in my car and the August edition in my hand. In the God scheme of things, it was then easy to gift the August edition. 

On January 13, 2016, I used my wealth of Southwest points to purchase round trip tickets to Portland, OR for Esther, my dental hygienist and her sister to support their sister who was dealing with loss in a relationship. Over the past two, maybe three years, I have gifted/given away probably eight round trip tickets to family, friends, temporary coworkers (from my consultant days) and people I know through service type jobs, like Esther and Beth, my hair stylist.

How it works. I have never been directly asked for my points. In the past four years or so, I have learned the benefits of Active Listening <link> and it is a skill I practice in all my communications with other people and sometimes with my kittahs and neighborhood dogs. But seriously, it's not a noble thing. I have heard my own story and stories so much in my head, I know there is value in listening intently to other people. So, I listen. I don't plan my next response, I don't write my shopping list, I just listen. And so, I hear.

In all cases where I have gifted/given my SWA points for flights, I was able to hear the need in the story of the person just talking to me. I'm beginning to believe active listening can be felt by the person who is talking and it opens up the conversation to another, deeper level of communication, perhaps an increased vulnerability. One temporary work colleague flew to Seattle for a church conference, another was able to fly her mother in law across the county to surprise her husband on his 50th birthday.  I flew a friend and her daughter to Tampa to see Taylor Swift, even. 

In the style of "loaves and fishes", I always had enough points available to me when I wanted to use them for my own personal travel. This is truly "The Good Life."

Oh, and the title of this post... La Buena Vida - The Good Life - I had an appointment with Esther for a teeth cleaning today. Before the instruments went into my mouth, we talked, as usual, for a few moments, just catching up. She mentioned how grateful she remains for the gift of going to Portland to spend time with her sisters in the beginning of the year. I think her words were.... I remain so grateful. After my teeth were clean and sparkly, she went into another room in the office and came out with a bouquet of flowers in her hands for me. It wasn't until I was walking home, I noticed the words on the label - La Buena Vida - indeed!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012 was Day One of a five day annual Autumn Equinox Cleanse conducted by Jennifer Ruth Russell and Daryl Glinn-Tanner.

I met Jennifer when she was the musical inspiration one Sunday in August, 2012 at the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. Her voice is angelic, her lyrics inspiring. Now, mind you... I'm certain that I was high at the service. At that time, I didn't leave the house without first smoking marijuana. Beginning disconnected from myself was my standard state of being.

After the service, I spoke with Jennifer and purchased several CDs of her music. I visited her website and found out about this upcoming cleanse. At the time, I had never considered participating in a cleanse, I'm pretty sure I hadn't ever even heard of a group cleanse. It was on a whim that I signed up. I also signed up a friend (She and I had ended a relationship of a couple of years in the past month or so. But she had introduced me to Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. It was a way of returning a spiritual favor, perhaps.)

I cannot stress enough, I knew nothing about what I was getting into. To set the stage a bit... at this time in my life, I was smoking marijuana several times a day every day and drinking really cheap wine every evening. It was the peak/valley of my substance use. 

This cleanse involved significant preparation of a flush drink which I would be drinking over a gallon of each day as well as eating sparingly of specific foods. (If you want the details, leave a note in the comment for this post and I'll send them to you.) The point is... with my time and money commitment to this Autumn Equinox Cleanse, for the first time in my life I had made a choice to move outside of myself for myself. Also, this was a group cleanse for both body and spirit. Not only were there expectations in drinking the cleanse and eating the proper foods, if any, there was a spiritual aspect as well. 

Each day at 7:00 am, all of the participants would call in to a conference line. Jennifer would pray us in and lead a guided meditation. We would each speak about our expectations/experiences. Daryl would give us tips about the physical part of the cleanse. Jennifer would give a task for the day and then pray us out. Honesty, though I didn't drink during this process, but I did continue to smoke pot. It was the first five consecutive day period for my body to be without alcohol in years.

There was subtle shift in my body during those five days. I was not a full participant in the physical requirements because at that time, of course, I knew better than anyone how to do this. (Since, I have taken part in a seasonal cleanse with Jennifer and Daryl in sobriety and it was a remarkable experience.) For the Autumn Equinox cleanse, I did fully participate in all of the morning calls and "homework".  

This is the prayer I wrote at the end of the cleanse.

Holy Spirit,
be with me as I travel this path of forgiveness.

As I shed and release regrets, judgments, opinions, resentments, fears,
habits and stories that do not serve me.

As I seek to quiet and silence my monkey mind with its endless commentary.

This I ask with deep gratitude.
And so it is.
Amen.

Finding this prayer today and knowing how I had not yet begun my recovery work, God's presence is very clear to me. My sobriety date was less than two weeks away on the final day of the cleanse. 

My lesson in this telling of the beginning of my beginning is... one never really knows which door, which first step, which book, which song, which choice, which next right thing is the one which leads down the path of the best of the rest of your life. And so, now, I say yes, I say yes, I say yes!

On Facebook, I will occasionally post images or words that create/allow for this truly unexpected complete wash of tears. I've come to term this "soul shower" because of the effect. Interestingly, there's usually no sobbing or other physical response, just my eyes opening and tears flowing. Hmm... as I wrote that... my eyes opening, I think that's it - and not just my eyes. While at times, the opening is a soft and gentle thing, for me it tends to be a cracking, thus the expected nature of my tears.

Years ago, at the beginning of my sobriety, I described part of my experience as follows...

My decades of using drugs and alcohol to hide resulted in an almost complete hardening of my heart. I could outwardly express compassion, generosity, love, etc. but those experiences were only on the surface for me. Though my early recovery process, I came to learn about Emotional Intelligence and I could see how my substance use had stunted my growth. At first, I could only see the part that limited my ability to recognize and respond to other people's emotions. Realizing how disconnected, in an authentic way, I had been for so long from the people I truly care about was both gut and heart wrenching. 

Then came the transformation... when I realized through work, effort and an honest appraisal of my thoughts and behavior, I was also unable to "recognize my own emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior." I looked and saw my heart was not only hard, it was locked shut to me and of course, I held the key all along. I spent hours and hours one evening about three years ago, alone in my cottage, sitting on my couch, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking and sobbing... and my heart cracked open.

The surprise was in what I saw in my soul and mind's eye. It was not a sweet soft cushy thing inside of that grey, craggy, rough exterior. If only. 

My heart opened up to reveal a magnificent geode-like interior. This is pretty much what I saw <link>. And certainly not what I wanted to see. I thought my work was done in the cracking open. I had no choice, there was no stepping back, I threw my entire self into my own heart, into and onto those gorgeous shards. 

I am not here for easy any more. I am grateful for the gift of Soul Showers for the release, the deep breathing and the clarity.

Over four years ago, I weighed 270 pounds. Then and now, I do not have anterior cruciate ligaments (ACL) in either of my knees. Then I was experiencing severe and persistent pain in my left knee.  My left knee is the one with multiple surgeries over several years. (Certainly a story for a separate blog post.) My physiologist, Dr. Richard Aptaker (Oakland Kaiser) recommended treatment with Synvisc instead of a total knee replacement. That was an easy decision.

Fast forward four years. I now weigh 135 pounds. I have been working out three times a week with a personal trainer for the past three months. I have been going on short runs in that same time period including runs around Lake Merritt and two 5k races at the end of June. It was no real surprise that my left knee was the one place on my body that hurt after running. Actually, I expected it. So, I did the next right thing... when in pain I used RICE = Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation and over the counter anti-inflammatory medications. Symptoms resolved.

Wanting the rest of my life to be the best of my life, I knew another visit with Dr. Aptaker should be in my near future. First step, email my PCP for a referral, check. Received the referral notice in one day with orders for xrays. Got the xrays that night, check. Call for an appointment with Dr. Aptaker, one week from the phone call, check. Received an email from my PCP with xray results... Osteoarthritis (Degenerative Arthritis of the Knee) in both knees, check.

The appointment was this morning. I was strangely excited to be simply seen by Dr. Aptaker because he had not seen me in the past four years. The smiling look of surprise on his face when he came into the examination room was worth the $35 copay... a little Health Care humor. :) We talked about my transformation and my fitness regime and my desire to run at this time in my life. Dr. Aptaker said he could understand I wanted to run as I have a runner's body... oh, somebody pinch me! When we looked at the xrays, especially my left knee it was very clear even to me that I am now a bicyclist*.

We spent some time talking about how our lives had changed since we last saw each other. Dr. Aptaker mentioned several minor aches and pains he acquired recently while sailing and other activities. I told him a bit about the genesis of my changes. He asked me to stay in touch and if the knee pain became severe and persistent again we could consider Cortisone or Synvisc at that time. Preventively, he suggested a Cortisone shot if I was going on vacation with plans to climb Manchu Pichu or to walk the Great Wall of China. I mentioned that Greece is next on my foreign travel list. 

The office visit over, we both got up to leave the examination room. He turned to me to shake my hand and I met his eyes. Our hands already clasped, he pulled me into an embrace... it was more than a hug. When he let me go, still holding my hand, with tears just forming in his eyes, he said, "It's not often in 24 years of medicine, I've seen such a success story. Thank you, Lani."

As we walked into the hallway, I made it very clear to my physiologist and friend, Dr. Richard Aptaker... I would not be the person I am today without his care for his patients and his commitment to me four years ago. We both promised to keep in touch. I said I would be checking up on him and letting him know how I am. He smiled and once more, we hugged. Given the slightest chance, humans are amazing.

*Guided by the Universe months ago to purchase a Detour IE Step-Through pedal assist bicycle on sale almost one year ago.

I'm beginning to think it happens all the time. And I mean all the time. Perhaps our scope is just too narrow, we can't see the entire picture to see the inner woven web. The fibers, the filaments that connect and cross. And so when it happens, when we have those moments that seem so miraculous - it shocks us.

• When those seconds, or maybe just a second of eye contact, reveal a deep love connection with
  a stranger, it baffles us. 
  
• Or when that traffic jam slows us down and we are concerned it will make us late and instead
  we are right on time. 
  
• Or when when your heart is sore and you turn a corner into a group of young people holding
  signs that read "free hugs".
  

Yes, all of those things have happened to me in just the past week. 
Those are the ones I am aware of.... and that's only because I was paying attention.

And it's in the paying attention that brought me to this place I'm thinking it happens all the time. 
This truly is the experience of a spiritual being in human form.

Maybe we are actually don't have to try so hard. Maybe that's what letting go and letting God really means. 

It doesn't mean we don't have to do the work required... but maybe, just maybe, there is a higher power and guiding your vision, your steps and your heart - guiding my vision, my steps and my heart.