Tuesday, September 18, 2012 was Day One of a five day annual Autumn Equinox Cleanse conducted by Jennifer Ruth Russell and Daryl Glinn-Tanner.
I met Jennifer when she was the musical inspiration one Sunday in August, 2012 at the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. Her voice is angelic, her lyrics inspiring. Now, mind you... I'm certain that I was high at the service. At that time, I didn't leave the house without first smoking marijuana. Beginning disconnected from myself was my standard state of being.
After the service, I spoke with Jennifer and purchased several CDs of her music. I visited her website and found out about this upcoming cleanse. At the time, I had never considered participating in a cleanse, I'm pretty sure I hadn't ever even heard of a group cleanse. It was on a whim that I signed up. I also signed up a friend (She and I had ended a relationship of a couple of years in the past month or so. But she had introduced me to Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. It was a way of returning a spiritual favor, perhaps.)
I cannot stress enough, I knew nothing about what I was getting into. To set the stage a bit... at this time in my life, I was smoking marijuana several times a day every day and drinking really cheap wine every evening. It was the peak/valley of my substance use.
This cleanse involved significant preparation of a flush drink which I would be drinking over a gallon of each day as well as eating sparingly of specific foods. (If you want the details, leave a note in the comment for this post and I'll send them to you.) The point is... with my time and money commitment to this Autumn Equinox Cleanse, for the first time in my life I had made a choice to move outside of myself for myself. Also, this was a group cleanse for both body and spirit. Not only were there expectations in drinking the cleanse and eating the proper foods, if any, there was a spiritual aspect as well.
Each day at 7:00 am, all of the participants would call in to a conference line. Jennifer would pray us in and lead a guided meditation. We would each speak about our expectations/experiences. Daryl would give us tips about the physical part of the cleanse. Jennifer would give a task for the day and then pray us out. Honesty, though I didn't drink during this process, but I did continue to smoke pot. It was the first five consecutive day period for my body to be without alcohol in years.
There was subtle shift in my body during those five days. I was not a full participant in the physical requirements because at that time, of course, I knew better than anyone how to do this. (Since, I have taken part in a seasonal cleanse with Jennifer and Daryl in sobriety and it was a remarkable experience.) For the Autumn Equinox cleanse, I did fully participate in all of the morning calls and "homework".
This is the prayer I wrote at the end of the cleanse.
Holy Spirit,
be with me as I travel this path of forgiveness.
As I shed and release regrets, judgments, opinions, resentments, fears,
habits and stories that do not serve me.
As I seek to quiet and silence my monkey mind with its endless commentary.
This I ask with deep gratitude.
And so it is.
Amen.
Finding this prayer today and knowing how I had not yet begun my recovery work, God's presence is very clear to me. My sobriety date was less than two weeks away on the final day of the cleanse.
My lesson in this telling of the beginning of my beginning is... one never really knows which door, which first step, which book, which song, which choice, which next right thing is the one which leads down the path of the best of the rest of your life. And so, now, I say yes, I say yes, I say yes!
I met Jennifer when she was the musical inspiration one Sunday in August, 2012 at the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. Her voice is angelic, her lyrics inspiring. Now, mind you... I'm certain that I was high at the service. At that time, I didn't leave the house without first smoking marijuana. Beginning disconnected from myself was my standard state of being.
After the service, I spoke with Jennifer and purchased several CDs of her music. I visited her website and found out about this upcoming cleanse. At the time, I had never considered participating in a cleanse, I'm pretty sure I hadn't ever even heard of a group cleanse. It was on a whim that I signed up. I also signed up a friend (She and I had ended a relationship of a couple of years in the past month or so. But she had introduced me to Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. It was a way of returning a spiritual favor, perhaps.)
I cannot stress enough, I knew nothing about what I was getting into. To set the stage a bit... at this time in my life, I was smoking marijuana several times a day every day and drinking really cheap wine every evening. It was the peak/valley of my substance use.
This cleanse involved significant preparation of a flush drink which I would be drinking over a gallon of each day as well as eating sparingly of specific foods. (If you want the details, leave a note in the comment for this post and I'll send them to you.) The point is... with my time and money commitment to this Autumn Equinox Cleanse, for the first time in my life I had made a choice to move outside of myself for myself. Also, this was a group cleanse for both body and spirit. Not only were there expectations in drinking the cleanse and eating the proper foods, if any, there was a spiritual aspect as well.
Each day at 7:00 am, all of the participants would call in to a conference line. Jennifer would pray us in and lead a guided meditation. We would each speak about our expectations/experiences. Daryl would give us tips about the physical part of the cleanse. Jennifer would give a task for the day and then pray us out. Honesty, though I didn't drink during this process, but I did continue to smoke pot. It was the first five consecutive day period for my body to be without alcohol in years.
There was subtle shift in my body during those five days. I was not a full participant in the physical requirements because at that time, of course, I knew better than anyone how to do this. (Since, I have taken part in a seasonal cleanse with Jennifer and Daryl in sobriety and it was a remarkable experience.) For the Autumn Equinox cleanse, I did fully participate in all of the morning calls and "homework".
This is the prayer I wrote at the end of the cleanse.
Holy Spirit,
be with me as I travel this path of forgiveness.
As I shed and release regrets, judgments, opinions, resentments, fears,
habits and stories that do not serve me.
As I seek to quiet and silence my monkey mind with its endless commentary.
This I ask with deep gratitude.
And so it is.
Amen.
Finding this prayer today and knowing how I had not yet begun my recovery work, God's presence is very clear to me. My sobriety date was less than two weeks away on the final day of the cleanse.
My lesson in this telling of the beginning of my beginning is... one never really knows which door, which first step, which book, which song, which choice, which next right thing is the one which leads down the path of the best of the rest of your life. And so, now, I say yes, I say yes, I say yes!
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