I had plans to meet two different women for the first time this past weekend. One in the late morning after church and one later in the afternoon. In an effort to be open and gracious, I asked that each woman choose the place to meet.

For the morning meeting, a tea house in Berkeley was her choice. After I left church, I reached out to Masina and texted I was on my way. I opened Yelp to get the address, only to find out Sunday hours for the Far Leaves tea house started at 2:00 pm and we had planned to meet at 11:00 am. A series of text messages later, we had new plans to meet at my choice of location, the CRO Cafe, a coffee shop on Temescal Alley.

Masina teaches young children with developmental challenges as a primary job, is also a ceramist who works with slab clay to create her art. She is sadly in the process of closing her studio space and is transitioning to creating ceramic jewelry which will not require the expense of a separate studio place. What does this have to do with anything, you might be wondering?

After sitting, enjoying conversation and coffee for a while, Masina and I were able to walk around Temescal Alley, which is a delightful collection of retail shops, personal services and small local food purveyors. <link> We wandered into an apothecary shop and talked about the books, the natural dye kits and the incredible pieces of Labradorite pieces on the shelves. We perused the jewelry in several shops and Masina appreciated finding inspiration for her new jewelry venture in the shops.

Far Leaves, is a standalone establishment on a busy street in Berkeley with a Big O Tire store, a few homes and an apartment building nearby. Not really a place to stroll. Nor a place to find creative inspiration or conversation starters. The Universe had a plan and I was a willing participant.

For the afternoon meeting, Ruth Chris Steakhouse in Walnut Creek was the selected location. If you know me, not a place I would frequent by choice. Olga is from a town on the outskirts of Moscow and speaks a small amount of English, she was bringing her Russian friend who lives in the Bay Area along as an interpreter. (In general, I am saying yes to the Universe.) Olga and her friend… also named Olga had spent the earlier part of the day in San Francisco near the water and even saw harbor seals. I think they were at or near Pier 39.

We were scheduled to meet at 2:00 pm. Just before 2:00, I received a text, they were stuck in traffic. I was already in Walnut Creek where it was a balmy 102 degrees. I spent some time in the clothing store Forever 21 - even typing the name of the store brings a grin to my face. It has been a relatively short period of time since my body shape is suited to the clothing offered in Forever 21. I enjoyed looking around and imaging wearing some of the clothes. I purchased nothing because I have all I need and I am being a good steward of my finances, mostly.

I went outside, sat in the shade and opened the August 2016 edition of Science of Mind magazine. In between reading the columns and articles, I people watched. Walnut Creek is very different than Oakland, I am much more at home in Oakland. Time was passing and the sun was shifting in the sky and my shady spot was warming up, so I went to the door of the restaurant to find it locked. The sign on the door showed the Sunday hours as 4:30 pm to 9:30 pm.

Olga had been texting me vacation photos and photos of her life in Russia to help me pass the time so I knew I could reach her en route. Luckily, there was a rather sweet café directly across the street. I let them know I would be waiting at Citra Grill. A much better choice all around – quieter, high quality food, locally owned.

Olga arrived while her friend was parking the car. She was flustered and apologetic as it was just after 3:00 pm when she arrived. She said, “I don’t speak English. My friend will help translate.” I, of course, replied, “I hear you speaking English.” She smiled and said, “Only a little.” I went to the counter to get a glass of water for her as it seemed she had run from the car to the restaurant. When I returned to the table, she was still very apologetic and grateful that I waited. In saying yes to the Universe… one does not leave early.

Her friend, named Olga arrived, also out of breath a bit. Once we all had glasses of water, the linguistic adventure began. It was very challenging to be looking into the eyes of the woman across from me, watching her speak, seeing expression changes on her face and hearing a language I could not understand. Then in mere moments, Olga II would start speaking and it seemed so rude to not look at her but I knew the words had been spoke to me by Olga I.

We were helped by Google Translate on our phones as Olga II was occasionally preoccupied by her phone. Olga I and I “talked” about an unexpectedly broad range of topics. An earlier photo from San Francisco had shown Olga with a dessert with a candle which I interpreted as a birthday celebration, so I came with a card and very small gift from the East Bay Church of Religious Science <link>. When I gave these items to her, she was much moved and so began our conversation about being gay and involved in organized religion, i.e. belonging to a church community. When Olga had ended a long term relationship with a woman and sought comfort and guidance from her church family and pastor, she was excommunicated for five years. Both women were quite surprised to learn how inclusive Centers for Spiritual Living are for all.

I went to the counter to order cappuccinos for the ladies and an iced tea for me. The couple in front of me had just started ordering lunch, so I returned to the table and placed the August 2016 edition of Science of Mind magazine between them. I opened the magazine to the Declaration of Principles. When I looked back at the table from where I was ordering, they were engrossed in reading. I felt my “spirit use me” tattoo in action in those moments. As I turned back to the counter, I saw a small assortment of beautiful chocolates in a display case, and so ordered three to bring back to the table – Espresso, Mint and Meyer Lemon. This would have been an extremely different interaction if it had taken place at Ruth Chris, so much would not have been possible.

Returning to the table, they were discussing what they had read. Olga I, through Olga II, asked if this was like psychotherapy. I said no, perhaps closer to philosophy. Since they both seemed surprised and interested in the ideas and precepts of New Thought, I told them I would give the magazine to them. The looks of surprise on both faces served to remind me of the reactions I see in moments of unanticipated generosity.

Hindsight - in the moment of my purchases at the church gift shop I picked up a copy the July 2016 and the August 2016 Science of Mind Magazine and I wondered why. Even more, when I was reading while sitting in the shade earlier, I had a brief moment of disappointment when I realized I left the July edition in my car and the August edition in my hand. In the God scheme of things, it was then easy to gift the August edition. 

On January 13, 2016, I used my wealth of Southwest points to purchase round trip tickets to Portland, OR for Esther, my dental hygienist and her sister to support their sister who was dealing with loss in a relationship. Over the past two, maybe three years, I have gifted/given away probably eight round trip tickets to family, friends, temporary coworkers (from my consultant days) and people I know through service type jobs, like Esther and Beth, my hair stylist.

How it works. I have never been directly asked for my points. In the past four years or so, I have learned the benefits of Active Listening <link> and it is a skill I practice in all my communications with other people and sometimes with my kittahs and neighborhood dogs. But seriously, it's not a noble thing. I have heard my own story and stories so much in my head, I know there is value in listening intently to other people. So, I listen. I don't plan my next response, I don't write my shopping list, I just listen. And so, I hear.

In all cases where I have gifted/given my SWA points for flights, I was able to hear the need in the story of the person just talking to me. I'm beginning to believe active listening can be felt by the person who is talking and it opens up the conversation to another, deeper level of communication, perhaps an increased vulnerability. One temporary work colleague flew to Seattle for a church conference, another was able to fly her mother in law across the county to surprise her husband on his 50th birthday.  I flew a friend and her daughter to Tampa to see Taylor Swift, even. 

In the style of "loaves and fishes", I always had enough points available to me when I wanted to use them for my own personal travel. This is truly "The Good Life."

Oh, and the title of this post... La Buena Vida - The Good Life - I had an appointment with Esther for a teeth cleaning today. Before the instruments went into my mouth, we talked, as usual, for a few moments, just catching up. She mentioned how grateful she remains for the gift of going to Portland to spend time with her sisters in the beginning of the year. I think her words were.... I remain so grateful. After my teeth were clean and sparkly, she went into another room in the office and came out with a bouquet of flowers in her hands for me. It wasn't until I was walking home, I noticed the words on the label - La Buena Vida - indeed!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012 was Day One of a five day annual Autumn Equinox Cleanse conducted by Jennifer Ruth Russell and Daryl Glinn-Tanner.

I met Jennifer when she was the musical inspiration one Sunday in August, 2012 at the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. Her voice is angelic, her lyrics inspiring. Now, mind you... I'm certain that I was high at the service. At that time, I didn't leave the house without first smoking marijuana. Beginning disconnected from myself was my standard state of being.

After the service, I spoke with Jennifer and purchased several CDs of her music. I visited her website and found out about this upcoming cleanse. At the time, I had never considered participating in a cleanse, I'm pretty sure I hadn't ever even heard of a group cleanse. It was on a whim that I signed up. I also signed up a friend (She and I had ended a relationship of a couple of years in the past month or so. But she had introduced me to Oakland Center for Spiritual Living. It was a way of returning a spiritual favor, perhaps.)

I cannot stress enough, I knew nothing about what I was getting into. To set the stage a bit... at this time in my life, I was smoking marijuana several times a day every day and drinking really cheap wine every evening. It was the peak/valley of my substance use. 

This cleanse involved significant preparation of a flush drink which I would be drinking over a gallon of each day as well as eating sparingly of specific foods. (If you want the details, leave a note in the comment for this post and I'll send them to you.) The point is... with my time and money commitment to this Autumn Equinox Cleanse, for the first time in my life I had made a choice to move outside of myself for myself. Also, this was a group cleanse for both body and spirit. Not only were there expectations in drinking the cleanse and eating the proper foods, if any, there was a spiritual aspect as well. 

Each day at 7:00 am, all of the participants would call in to a conference line. Jennifer would pray us in and lead a guided meditation. We would each speak about our expectations/experiences. Daryl would give us tips about the physical part of the cleanse. Jennifer would give a task for the day and then pray us out. Honesty, though I didn't drink during this process, but I did continue to smoke pot. It was the first five consecutive day period for my body to be without alcohol in years.

There was subtle shift in my body during those five days. I was not a full participant in the physical requirements because at that time, of course, I knew better than anyone how to do this. (Since, I have taken part in a seasonal cleanse with Jennifer and Daryl in sobriety and it was a remarkable experience.) For the Autumn Equinox cleanse, I did fully participate in all of the morning calls and "homework".  

This is the prayer I wrote at the end of the cleanse.

Holy Spirit,
be with me as I travel this path of forgiveness.

As I shed and release regrets, judgments, opinions, resentments, fears,
habits and stories that do not serve me.

As I seek to quiet and silence my monkey mind with its endless commentary.

This I ask with deep gratitude.
And so it is.
Amen.

Finding this prayer today and knowing how I had not yet begun my recovery work, God's presence is very clear to me. My sobriety date was less than two weeks away on the final day of the cleanse. 

My lesson in this telling of the beginning of my beginning is... one never really knows which door, which first step, which book, which song, which choice, which next right thing is the one which leads down the path of the best of the rest of your life. And so, now, I say yes, I say yes, I say yes!

On Facebook, I will occasionally post images or words that create/allow for this truly unexpected complete wash of tears. I've come to term this "soul shower" because of the effect. Interestingly, there's usually no sobbing or other physical response, just my eyes opening and tears flowing. Hmm... as I wrote that... my eyes opening, I think that's it - and not just my eyes. While at times, the opening is a soft and gentle thing, for me it tends to be a cracking, thus the expected nature of my tears.

Years ago, at the beginning of my sobriety, I described part of my experience as follows...

My decades of using drugs and alcohol to hide resulted in an almost complete hardening of my heart. I could outwardly express compassion, generosity, love, etc. but those experiences were only on the surface for me. Though my early recovery process, I came to learn about Emotional Intelligence and I could see how my substance use had stunted my growth. At first, I could only see the part that limited my ability to recognize and respond to other people's emotions. Realizing how disconnected, in an authentic way, I had been for so long from the people I truly care about was both gut and heart wrenching. 

Then came the transformation... when I realized through work, effort and an honest appraisal of my thoughts and behavior, I was also unable to "recognize my own emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior." I looked and saw my heart was not only hard, it was locked shut to me and of course, I held the key all along. I spent hours and hours one evening about three years ago, alone in my cottage, sitting on my couch, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking and sobbing... and my heart cracked open.

The surprise was in what I saw in my soul and mind's eye. It was not a sweet soft cushy thing inside of that grey, craggy, rough exterior. If only. 

My heart opened up to reveal a magnificent geode-like interior. This is pretty much what I saw <link>. And certainly not what I wanted to see. I thought my work was done in the cracking open. I had no choice, there was no stepping back, I threw my entire self into my own heart, into and onto those gorgeous shards. 

I am not here for easy any more. I am grateful for the gift of Soul Showers for the release, the deep breathing and the clarity.

Over four years ago, I weighed 270 pounds. Then and now, I do not have anterior cruciate ligaments (ACL) in either of my knees. Then I was experiencing severe and persistent pain in my left knee.  My left knee is the one with multiple surgeries over several years. (Certainly a story for a separate blog post.) My physiologist, Dr. Richard Aptaker (Oakland Kaiser) recommended treatment with Synvisc instead of a total knee replacement. That was an easy decision.

Fast forward four years. I now weigh 135 pounds. I have been working out three times a week with a personal trainer for the past three months. I have been going on short runs in that same time period including runs around Lake Merritt and two 5k races at the end of June. It was no real surprise that my left knee was the one place on my body that hurt after running. Actually, I expected it. So, I did the next right thing... when in pain I used RICE = Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation and over the counter anti-inflammatory medications. Symptoms resolved.

Wanting the rest of my life to be the best of my life, I knew another visit with Dr. Aptaker should be in my near future. First step, email my PCP for a referral, check. Received the referral notice in one day with orders for xrays. Got the xrays that night, check. Call for an appointment with Dr. Aptaker, one week from the phone call, check. Received an email from my PCP with xray results... Osteoarthritis (Degenerative Arthritis of the Knee) in both knees, check.

The appointment was this morning. I was strangely excited to be simply seen by Dr. Aptaker because he had not seen me in the past four years. The smiling look of surprise on his face when he came into the examination room was worth the $35 copay... a little Health Care humor. :) We talked about my transformation and my fitness regime and my desire to run at this time in my life. Dr. Aptaker said he could understand I wanted to run as I have a runner's body... oh, somebody pinch me! When we looked at the xrays, especially my left knee it was very clear even to me that I am now a bicyclist*.

We spent some time talking about how our lives had changed since we last saw each other. Dr. Aptaker mentioned several minor aches and pains he acquired recently while sailing and other activities. I told him a bit about the genesis of my changes. He asked me to stay in touch and if the knee pain became severe and persistent again we could consider Cortisone or Synvisc at that time. Preventively, he suggested a Cortisone shot if I was going on vacation with plans to climb Manchu Pichu or to walk the Great Wall of China. I mentioned that Greece is next on my foreign travel list. 

The office visit over, we both got up to leave the examination room. He turned to me to shake my hand and I met his eyes. Our hands already clasped, he pulled me into an embrace... it was more than a hug. When he let me go, still holding my hand, with tears just forming in his eyes, he said, "It's not often in 24 years of medicine, I've seen such a success story. Thank you, Lani."

As we walked into the hallway, I made it very clear to my physiologist and friend, Dr. Richard Aptaker... I would not be the person I am today without his care for his patients and his commitment to me four years ago. We both promised to keep in touch. I said I would be checking up on him and letting him know how I am. He smiled and once more, we hugged. Given the slightest chance, humans are amazing.

*Guided by the Universe months ago to purchase a Detour IE Step-Through pedal assist bicycle on sale almost one year ago.

I'm beginning to think it happens all the time. And I mean all the time. Perhaps our scope is just too narrow, we can't see the entire picture to see the inner woven web. The fibers, the filaments that connect and cross. And so when it happens, when we have those moments that seem so miraculous - it shocks us.

• When those seconds, or maybe just a second of eye contact, reveal a deep love connection with
  a stranger, it baffles us. 
  
• Or when that traffic jam slows us down and we are concerned it will make us late and instead
  we are right on time. 
  
• Or when when your heart is sore and you turn a corner into a group of young people holding
  signs that read "free hugs".
  

Yes, all of those things have happened to me in just the past week. 
Those are the ones I am aware of.... and that's only because I was paying attention.

And it's in the paying attention that brought me to this place I'm thinking it happens all the time. 
This truly is the experience of a spiritual being in human form.

Maybe we are actually don't have to try so hard. Maybe that's what letting go and letting God really means. 

It doesn't mean we don't have to do the work required... but maybe, just maybe, there is a higher power and guiding your vision, your steps and your heart - guiding my vision, my steps and my heart.

This began when I saw the Sarah Bush Dance Project perform “Reach” at the Cascade at Joaquin Miller Park accompanied by The Anita Lofton Project. You can see some of the dance performance here - https://youtu.be/-eBLGMaiFEQ You can see the video of the song I Wanna Live Forever here - https://youtu.be/frPBgTMPczk Zhalisa Clarke is the violinist for The Anita Lofton Project. The following weekend, I attended a live performance at The Rio in the city. I have never seen a musician become one with an instrument until I saw Zhalisa play that evening.  

Next, while looking for a video of All of Me by John Legend, I came across this version with Lindsey Stirling - https://youtu.be/xwsYvBYZcx4?list=PLQJig0K78V7jdodRVl2RnvDi_pafWqj9m Oh my! Lindsay's North American tour starts soon and yes, I will be attending at least one performance... at the Fox Theater.

Then, I attended a performance at Freight and Salvage - Lisa Koch, Vickie Shaw, & Roxanna Ward w/ special guest Barbara Higbie. I have known Lisa Koch for over thirty years and even lived in her spare room for a bit in Pittsburgh, PA. So I was attending the event for the comedy not necessarily the music, though I did have high expectations. While this performance was years ago.... it shows Barbara's skill, versatility and love for the violin - https://youtu.be/hW4cvFs0Ue8 It's also some kinda wonderful to see the old Freight and Salvage. I already have my tickets for Barbara's solo performance at the Freight in October.

Finally, I attended Summerfest in Milwaukee, WI. Specifically to see Alabama Shakes and that was mind blowingly incredible. And, interesting... the studio version of the song Guess Who has a violin. Here's a live version of the song - https://youtu.be/T42VSsdEOY8 

The following day, we saw The Indigo Girls and yep, another female violinist. This time Lyris Hung. A favorite Indigo Girls song, not one I saw performed at Summerfest, but one with Lyris - https://youtu.be/GZDjP7-6U9w 

I am absolutely open for what's next musically!